Our journal this month will largely consist of a quote from a recently published book. But first let's set the stage. In a day when one's own comfort seems paramount, when what matters most is our right to enjoy life on our terms, it is refreshing to read of an American couple who weighed a difficult choice and who opted for life. In a day when 90% of all Down Syndrome babies are aborted in the United States, we find hope in books like Choosing Naia published this past December by Beacon Press of Boston. Written by Mitchell Zuckoff, it is the story of a couple, Greg and Tierney, from Connecticut, who were ecstatic about their first pregnancy. Not long into the pregnancy though, they found out that the baby had Down Syndrome and a congenital heart defect. Shortly after they made the decision not to have an abortion, a reporter for the Boston Globe began following them and their story. It resulted in a regular series in the paper and now, after four years, a book.
Heidi Sandling, Patti's sister, worked with Tierney. They spoke while at work one day shortly after Tierney and Greg learned of their unborn child's condition. Running into Heidi that day seemed to be no coincidence.
We quote from pages 105 and 106 ...The conversation in O'Brien's office gave Tierney the courage to begin taking others into her confidence, at least in a general way. Another opportunity came soon after she returned to the third floor, when she ran into Heidi Sandling, a friend who worked in human resources.
"Hey, how're you doing?" Sandling asked as they walked down the hallway toward Tierney's office.
"I'm OK, but I'm in a high-risk pregnancy," Tierney said, reverting to her practiced, unrevealing speech.
"I can really understand that," Sandling said. "My sister and her husband are missionaries and they had a baby, their last child, who was born with Down Syndrome and two holes in his heart. He's in third grade now." "Um," Tierney stammered, "funny you should mention that. That's pretty much exactly what I'm dealing with." So much for the script.
"Oh," Sandling said, surprised but calm. "Well, he's wonderful. His name is Daniel. He just got a part in the school play, and he's reading almost on grade level. One of the best things is to see the change in my father. He was transformed from being so concerned about what this would be like, how bad it would be, to really embracing and loving Daniel."
Tierney was near tears. Her voice deep with emotion, she whispered, "That's really amazing," She didn't elaborate about her own father's negative reaction, but after Sandling left, she called Greg to share what she thought was a good omen.
The conversation with O'Brien and Sandling were the first of what eventually would be scores of instances in which people told Tierney and Greg about their personal experiences with Down syndrome, mental retardation, and high-risk pregnancies. Nearly all the stories had happy endings.
Sandling mentioned Tierney's situation to her sister, Patti Long, who followed up with a heartfelt, eight-page letter that told her family's story. "I'm sure you have experienced some of the same shock, fear and loss that we felt at first," the letter said. "However, let me assure you that although you are facing some difficult challenges, your little girl or boy is going to enrich and bring more joy into your lives than you ever imagined possible. Like most kids, Daniel can be stubborn, disobedient and gets into trouble at times, but mostly he is lovable, sensitive, determined, and ‘one of the gang.'"
She ended the letter by offering nine pieces of advice, including: "Expect and let yourselves be sad and apprehensive about entering the world of persons with disabilities – don't feel guilty about being sad or mad. The unknown for all of us is scary." And, "Remember, your life as you know it isn't stopping or being totally overturned. You are just branching off into new adventures that will enrich you forever. We wouldn't trade having Daniel in our family for anything."
Tucked inside the envelope was a photo of Daniel and his oldest sister at the edge of the Grand Canyon, her arms wrapped lovingly around him. Both are smiling. ......
